Sarcastic opening ahead...

It's the most natural thing in the world for a bunch of introverted high school musicians--raising funds for an orchestra's trip to another city or simply to keep the ensemble alive.  My memories of fund raising experiences:

• My high school orchestra director demonstrated what he thought was the best way to approach potential buyers of candles, ornaments, and trinkets.  "Don't stand there, staring at the ground with the catalog closed.  Instead, look up, step forward with the catalog open, and say, "Would you like to buy...?"
• This same director also advised us not to argue with anyone who clearly wasn't interested in buying anything.  "If a customer looks at the catalog and says, 'I don't want any of this crap,' just close the catalog and say, 'Thank you.'"  "Say, 'Thank you,'" he repeated.
• One year, the distribution company ran out of bear ornaments.  "So," the orchestra director updated us, "they're providing mice ornaments instead.  Be sure to tell your customers who ordered bears."  I still wonder if any of the customers who were informed of this broke into a fit of white hot fury.  (i.e. "Arrrrrrggggghhhhh!  I have an all-bear theme established on and around my Christmas tree, and they think I'll just compromise that and accept mice?!  Grrrrrrrr!!!!  What kind of world do we live in these days?!  What happened to the days when bear-ornament distributors honored their contracts?!")
• If you participate in enough music program fund raisers, you'll eventually encounter at least one parent who's a little too caught up in the whole process.  (i.e. "Now, be sure to fill out your pizza sales tracking form!  That's how we know how much everyone has sold and how much we still have to sell to meet our goal!  Think how exciting it'll be and how accomplished you'll all feel if we break the sales record this year!")  I used to think, "I'm just here to play the bass.  The skills needed to play this instrument are completely different from the skills needed to sell to family members and friends, let alone strangers.  If the orchestra needs to rely on sales of pizza made by people who don't make pizzas for a living, isn't that a rather precarious means of existence?"
• One year, the conductor of one of my ensembles generously offered to buy a pizza from everyone in the orchestra.  The well-meaning stage manager followed up, "I'll leave it up to all of you, then, to solicit him on your own."  "For pizza," the conductor clarified quickly.
• I still wonder how many people got food poisoning the year that large stacks of pizzas were left in the hallway outside the rehearsal room, not frozen or refrigerated, for a disturbingly long time.
• As obvious as it sounds, it's best to sell items that people want.  Ask orchestra members to vote on potential designs for ensemble logos and then sell t-shirts and/or sweatshirts with the most popular logo(s.)  A memory about group order forms for shirts: I remember, in college, each orchestra player signed up to order a sweatshirt with the ensemble's logo.  By the time the order form reached the bass section, nearly everyone had signed up.  Interestingly, every single person, up to that point, had ordered an extra large sweatshirt, even though the musicians ranged in height from approximately 4'10" to 6'6".  There's an interesting psychological undercurrent at work there.

For anyone who is stuck raising funds for an orchestra, band, or choir, here's wishing you well.  Actually, here's hoping you find a way out of selling anything, as it's not really your responsibility.  If that's not possible, though, here's hoping you at least get to sell some surefire winners, such as chocolate bars, quickly.