"In today's hydration news..."

Recently, I dreamed that I'd hired my cat, Sylvia, as the news director of a radio station.  I knew that faucet water was one of her passions:

Still, I wasn't prepared for her first newscast.  Her first story was about the lack of safe drinking water in third world countries.  That was an unusual lead story, but lack of water is a problem.  Her next story was about lead being found in some local business water fountains.  Fair enough, I guess; if there was lead in my drinking water, I'd want to know about it.  I drew the line at her third story, though; a survey allegedly showed that guardians who give their cat three or more drinks of water from the faucet per day increase their chances of gaining entry into Heaven by 45%.  She didn't cite the source of her survey; I didn't have the heart to tell her that I suspected she'd made it up.  At that point, I woke up.  If this had happened in real life, I'm sure I would have told Sylvia that her  newscasts would need to contain a wider range of stories.

Still, I guess we all filter the news according to our own priorities.